Questions to Ask Adoptive Parents

Portrait of positive beautiful pregnant woman in bed

If you’re ready to speak with a potential adoptive family about adopting your baby, you may not be sure what kind of questions to ask them or what you should look for in an adoptive couple.

Of course you want to make sure that they’ll be the best possible parents for your baby. You have complete control over who raises your child, so it’s important that you ask whatever you feel like you need to know in order to feel confident about committing to the adoption opportunity.

What to Ask Yourself When Looking for an Adoptive Family for Your Baby

Here are a few things that can be helpful to consider when you’re in the early stages of finding adoptive parents for your baby:

  • Where do I want my baby to grow up? A big city on the coast? A farm in a rural area?
  • What kind of parents do I envision for them? How often do I want them to be home? What are their personalities like?
  • Do I want my baby to have older siblings? How many? What ages?
  • Is it ok if the adoptive family has pets? Dogs? Cats?
  • What kind of activities do I envision my child doing with their adoptive family? Do I want my child to grow up with a family that participates in a lot of sports? That reads a lot? That travels?
  • Do I want my child raised in a religious household?
  • What kinds of educational opportunities do I want available to my child?
  • How much (if any) contact do I want to maintain with the family after the adoption?

These questions will help you to determine your ideal adoptive parents for your child. The adoption specialists that Michael Belfonte works with at American Adoptions can help match you with prospective adoptive parents based on your vision for the adoption.

Talking with Adoptive Parents for the First Time

Once an adoption specialist has found potential matches with adoptive families for you to consider, you’ll have the opportunity to talk with them in a conference call. Your adoption specialist will be on the line to help guide you all through that first conversation together.

Most of the conversation will be spent just getting to know each other. Hopefully, by the end of the phone call, you’ll feel more connected to your baby’s possible adoptive parents, and you’ll have a clearer sense of whether or not these are the right parents to raise your child.

Here are a few questions that you can start off with just to get to know them better:

  • What do you like to do on the weekends?
  • What’s your dream vacation?
  • What’s your favorite thing to do together?
  • What’s your favorite TV show to watch right now?
  • How did you two meet?

Good questions to ask adoptive parents can start off with the simplest things. General questions like these will help you get a picture of their personalities and what kind of parents they might be.

Some questions to ask an adoptive family to help understand what they might be like as parents could include:

  • Do you have any fun family traditions?
  • What do you do to celebrate holidays?
  • What’s the most valuable lesson that you would pass on to your children?
  • Is there any particular place you’d love to take your family?
  • What kind of activities would you want to enroll your children in?
  • What values would you prioritize in your family?

Questions that are more open-ended can help prospective parents open up more and help you to understand the kind of family dynamic they’d offer your child. Even silly stories about their family might be helpful to you.

The details of your adoption plan are best discussed directly with your adoption specialist, and any other questions that the two of you may have as interview questions to ask an adoptive parent can be brought up as they occur. Remember: if you think of important questions to ask the adoptive parents that you may have forgotten earlier, write them down!

Questions Not to Ask Adoptive Parents

There are a few questions that are inappropriate to ask prospective adoptive parents. Your adoption specialist can prepare you for any topics you should take care to avoid, but generally you should avoid these:

  1. Any questions or comments about infertility
  2. Direct questions about their identifying information
  3. Any questions or comments about money

Many prospective adoptive parents have struggled with infertility, and it’s a painful topic for them. Other prospective adoptive parents don’t have fertility problems; they simply prefer to create their family through adoption. It’s best to just avoid the subject altogether to prevent any accidental hurt feelings.

Very specific questions about details of their lives should be avoided until they feel comfortable offering that kind of information or when post-adoption contact is discussed, especially if you don’t plan on having a fully open adoption. Try to avoid questions that you wouldn’t feel comfortable with a stranger on the street asking you, like questions about your last name, where you work or your address.

Questions or comments about money shouldn’t be brought up in front of prospective adoptive parents. This is something that you can always discuss with Michael or your adoption specialist; questions or concerns about finances should be directed to them, and they can bring up any questions about money with the adoptive parents on your behalf.

Ask Whatever You Need To In Order to Feel Confident

When thinking of interview questions to ask an adoptive parent, remember that the goal is for you to feel more confident about your adoption decision. So, ask the prospective adoptive parents and your adoption specialist whatever you need to know in order to feel good about this decision.

For example, some women considering adoption feel better knowing that their child will be raised in household that volunteers their time to help the community. Others want their baby raised in a particular religion or part of the country. Ask questions when talking with adoptive parents that will put your worries to rest for you!

Talking with adoptive parents and asking the questions that you need answered can help you feel more comfortable moving forward with the adoption and reassure you that your baby will be raised by wonderful adoptive parents.

To start searching for an adoptive family now, you can call Michael Belfonte at 816-842-3580 with any questions that you may have, or contact him online without any obligation.